Thus Are World Wars Started

A burgundy-coloured bus

Between two and three in the afternoon

Buses are rare and come once in a blue moon.

At the Bus Stop in front of Usher Hall

There are two men, one tall, one rather small.

The small chap plays a game on his i-phone

Whilst the taller one makes a tuneless drone.

Seemingly unaware of each other they wait

Each hoping the bus ain’t gonna be late

In twenty minutes a Lothian bus appears

Allaying both the tall and small men’s fears

The Burgundy bus stops and its doors open

It’s nearly empty with only six or seven

Seats occupied, but both men are in a rush

And they angrily jostle, tussle and push

Use their elbows and their knees in their scramble

Just like a pair of wild beasts in the jungle.

The tall fellow pulled the shorter one by his sleeve

This is something I truly can’t believe

He said, crashing on the ground on his bum

Are you crazy, stupid or just plain dumb?

Couldn’t you see the empty seats, is that possible?

Neither here nor there, it’s the principle

I will have you know that I was here first

No sir you’re a big lying cunt, he cursed

Suddenly springing up on his two feet

Shouting angrily you’re dead meat you’re dead meat

Pulling the other man he punched him on the nose

Which led to a serious exchange of blows

It was manifestly an unequal fight

Tall one battering small one with all his might

He, well-beaten and fearing for dear life

Saw no alternative to producing a knife

And blindly stabbed the tall man in the head

Bleeding profusely, in five minutes he was dead.

Prizewinning playwright. Mathematician. Teacher. Professional Siesta addict.