Theory of Flight
Until 31.December.2025. schools are welcome to use this piece in their curriculum, in the classroom or to stage it, free of charge. Can contact sancassimally@blueyonder.co.uk
A dramatised fable
Theory of Flight a dramatised fable by San Cassimally
TORTOISE, DOG, CAT, FROG, ELEPHANT, MONKEY, EAGLE, FISH. BEE IS INVISIBLE. FISH IS IN THE POND.
CHORUS
’Twas Tortoise who set the cat among the pigeons
Eating scraps in the Square with the three public Johns
But strangely, these sociable fliers kept pecking
Unperturbed, the commotion ignoring.
But whilst the city sleeps soon after midnight
With not a single human or child in sight
Some of our feathered friends and four-legged beasts
Would descend upon the Square for a midnight feast
To socialise, enjoy the night air and perchance
Indulge in some chin wag or a little dance.
Since the town was located next to a forest
Came creatures from the tamest to the wildest.
ENTER TORTOISE, DOG, CAT, FROG, ELEPHANT, MONKEY, EAGLE. BEE IS INVISIBLE BUT CAN BE HEARD HUMMING.
ALL:
Hullo Bee, we can hear but not see you
Why don’t you simply come into view?
BEE:
I live in constant danger of the swat
But though unseen I’m always ready for a chat.
TORTOISE:
Dreamt last night that I was high in the sky
And have since had the obsession to fly.
LION: ( condescending)
But my most dearly beloved slow poke
You flying must be something of a joke
Cats don’t bark and canines don’t purr
Have you seen a serpent garbed in fur?
Do mice lay eggs, do fishes climb trees
Does the elephant? Do donkeys?
So why oh why does Tortoise want to fly?
TORTOISE:
Because I want to, tell me why I cant
Convince me and I shall my wish recant
LION:
Legs, baby, legs. Yours are short and fat
You need powerful legs, no doubt ‘bout that.
You’ve all seen me jump, high and big distances
The poor impala or the buck have no chances.
I ‘m perched on a rock and catch sight of my prey
I take a deep breath and am on my way
I leap into the air, defying gravity
I fly forward towards lunch without pity
He bleeds and quick I end his misery
I only do it because I have to you see.
Like all of us here to survive I need to eat
And a carnivore requires red meat
And my strong legs, I readily certify
Are the only things what permit me to fly
ALL:
Legs baby, legs.
ELEPHANT:
Meaning no offense, Sir Lion is wrong
Me too have legs that are known to be strong
But it is my considered opinion
That they do not enter the equation
As you know, big as I am, I too can fly
I achieve this by flapping my two ears
I’ve been doing this for a number of years.
The secret is take deep breath and close one eye
And flap your ears and then you too can fly.
ALL:
That’s not worth tuppence
It don’t make sense.
Nobody has ever seen you in the air.
ELEPHANT:
No, but I imagine I am, that’s all I care.
ALL:
Come off it Trunky, that’s not flying, that’s a scam.
ELEPHANT:
My fellow beasts, I think, therefore I am.
ALL:
He thinks, therefore he is!
FROG:
Listen to my ha’pennyworth denizens please
As you’ve witnessed many a time
I am quite an accomplished flyer I’m
And I’ll instruct Tortoise on how I do it
So he can learn to fly like a peewit.
All you need is a good singing voice
Like the one in which I rejoice.
I clear my throat, gather my notes and semitones
Make sure that fine-tuned are my muscles and bones
Then full of self-belief and hope
I take a deep breath and emit my croak
I make a prayer and close one eye
One two three, and am in the air and I fly
ALL:
He’s up in the air and he flies.
MONKEY:
It’s all lies
You can’t fly with legs not your croak or with ears
Lion cannot fly, he jumps, nor can Elephant my dears
Frog’s a no-hoper just a part-time hopper
We’re the only ones with the gift of flight
To fly you need four hands, two left two right.
And you need a tail to steer or else you veer.
You seize a branch with your two front hands
And hurl yourself for’ad no wings no wands
Much more than flight, it’s an elegant dance.
All:
When you put it this way…
It must be as you say.
CAT:
To fly properly, you need a sense of smell
I sniff rodent and my stomach swells
Thus mad with hunger I defy gravity
Discarding all sentiments of pity
I find I can fly through the air
Using my flair to locate my victim’s lair.
So dear friends this is the reason why
You need a good nose and little else to fly.
ALL:
Nose baby, nose
Now everyone knows.
CAT:
(Teasing)
Dog barks, dog fights and bites
But when it comes to flights…
DOG:
(Angry)
Fly? Why should I?
I hate flies!
CAT:
(Teasing)
He hates flies but he loves fleas
ALL:
Cat please please please
Don’t open up canine-feline chasm
Please rein in your sarcasm.
FISH:
My good friends, you’ve got theories galore
But there is one thing you seem to ignore
What makes flying possible is invisible
The contributing factor comes from outside
Look at me_ it can’t be denied
That I have no legs, no hands, no sense of smell
I have no tail, no ears that you can tell
Although I do detect vibrations
So how do I manage flying operations?
Remember the famous Greek bather
Who popped out dripping with lather
Out of his tub shouting Eureka
Thanking the good lord our maker
For revealing to him the laws
A body in water is pushed up by a force
At a rate equal to that of his own weight?
We learn to channel this god-given gift
And it permits us our body to lift
Out of the water and rise to a great height
Filling our heart with rapt delight.
And that’s the true secret of flying
ALL:
It’s clear Fish ain’t lying
LION:
We’ve heard the views of canine and feline
But not yet from top flier, the aquiline.
Pray Eagle share with us your opinion
On that matter now dividing our nation.
You can outfly even me, with your great wings
You and your ilk are the flying kings.
EAGLE:
Wings, you say? They’re our worst impediment
The bane of us fliers, the embodiment
And generator of our worst torment
A curse, a wretched spoke in our wheel
They blow you off course, make you reel.
They get in the way, they make you sway
To one side when you want the other
Aye, they’re such a bother.
You’ve seen how we have to struggle to rein them in
We need all our energy to keep flappin’.
We owe our flying ability to our talons
They’re worth more than millions.
Because they grip our prey so firmly
Ensuring that we’ll end up with a full belly
This and nought else gives us the ability
To ride the thermals and defy gravity.
And I don’t promise that in a fit of rage
I won’t one day rip off that winged appendage.
