Presidents Kushner-Trump and Putin
Or The Joys of Homosexuality. A revised version of an old story
The BBC now only existed as a branch of The Lebvedev Group, and was available on subscription. Jemima Paxman was the controller and Quentin Dimbleby its News Director. They are discussing broadcasting strategy for when the inevitable conflagration erupts. Britain is still fiercely pro-American, but Vassili Lebvedev will be expecting a pro-Russian slant. Kushner-Trump is scheduled to meet President Vladimir Putin.
He became The Real Republican Party candidate when Donald Junior was gunned down in Miami, and won a landslide victory. The 110-year-old Putin had been talked by the Supreme Praesidium into accepting another 40-year extension to his presidency. He was in stunning form, still riding twenty kilometres on his Kamchatka every morning. Before breakfast, and bare-backed.
Neither Paxman nor Dimbleby knew this, but the two presidents had spoken on the Nuclear Hotline and had agreed to meet secretly in The Clarion in Helsinki.
The strength of the arsenal of each country is a moot point since it is obvious that they both have enough weapons to annihilate the whole world 2500 times over. The Russians rely on the Tu0222 MS04 bomber which can carry up to sixty missiles, whilst the Americans will be relying on their UGM-87 submarine missile launchers. Neutral experts agree that these two doomsday killers are equal in units of destruction.
The conflict has been brewing ever since an SU-61 crashed near a US base in Elief Ringnes Island in the Arctic Archipelago. This, one recalls, was the site of the US-Canada conflict of twelve years ago which was amicably settled when the Americans paid Corentin Trudeau’s government an undisclosed number of Miller JFX-47 jet fighters to sign off this ice rock to them. The Americans accused the Russians of spying but denied that they brought the Tupolev down, suggesting that it had crashed in bad weather.
‘The situation is critical,” Dimbleby who was fronting the news began, ‘and unless the two Presidents reached an unexpected compromise, Russia and America are going to start the last world war,’ Quentin paused before adding, ‘I say that pointedly.’ At about the same time, the two presidents, each with a staff of 3 aides took their seats in the Conference Room of The Clarion. The American and the Russian each had an aide or two whispering points to be made to their respective presidents, but it seemed obvious that neither man was listening.
I thought his grandfather father Donald was one of the most unattractive human beings on the planet. He scarcely looked human. How could his daughter have made such a beautiful son? My heart is beating twice as fast. I never knew that the sight of a man could produce this effect in me. Have I really been an unknowing homosexual all these years? I can’t think, I can’t breathe.
This man is over a hundred, and I who have hated gays more grandpa hated brown and black folks, can’t keep my eyes off him. It’s ten years since Lara and I even shared a bed, and look at the state I’m in now. Didn’t know I could still get it up, praise the lord. Hallelujah.
The two presidents felt oppressed and on a sudden impulse each stood up and made for the door, explaining to their aides in their own language that they needed to go out on the balcony for some air.
The moment they reached the balcony without a word they threw themselves in each other’s arms. And the rest is history.
And thus was the planet spared.
