Democracy at work
(In some shit-hole countries elections are farcical)
The President (of a shit-hole country)is very keen to be perceived internationally as a democrat. He summons his advisers. After the campaigns on television and the press, the liberal display of posters and statues in all available public spaces, and the imprisonment of the opposition and his critics, they tell him that according to the the latest opinion polls he has a stunning 96% approval rate.
‘In that case,’ he says, ‘let’s call an election, but I do not want to be the sole candidate, I hate being mocked by the foreign press.’ The advisers say that it would be difficult because there is no one to stand against him.
‘How about that poet, the trouble-maker?’
‘He is in prison, Excellency.’ He orders his release.
Next day the advisers inform him that the poet is unwilling to stand.
‘Then do the usual,’ he orders angrily. The secret police then torture the poet in the name of democracy until he finally agrees. The opinion polls now give the president a 97% majority.
‘I don’t like it,’ he says angrily. The advisers are surprised.
‘We can stuff ballots in the boxes and make it 99%, your excellency, we’ve done it before.’ The President becomes angrier.
‘We could make it 100% if that’s your wish, but that will give ammunition to your critics abroad.’ This time he becomes livid.
‘I told you, I don’t want to be the laughing stock of the other countries, I want a victory yes, but a credible one.’ The advisers nod.
‘That can be arranged too, Excellency, we’ll work it out how many ballots for the poet to stuff in the boxes. Would a 70%-30% poll be satisfactory?’
